jestdotty said don't hack hungry, guys,Modern technology is absolutely bullshit

I can't even

Now my keyboard on my phone is even too broken to complain about it

I wanted to look at someone's post history on a forum

To do so the forum wants an account. Ok. So I gave it my old junk Hotmail account during sign up for it to send me an email confirm so I can make the account so I can search. Well I'm refreshing this account for this confirm account email through the Gmail app on my phone because who even checks emails on computers anymore

Turns out, aside from this Hotmail spam email account having a lot of junk emails (it is my junk email account), there's this little pop-up that happens SOMETIMES claiming that it can't sync. I checked inbox and spam and the email isn't in there. So 1 out of 10 times I refresh there's this little "cannot sync" message that pops up and I click it. It claims my storage on my phone is too full to sync. Ok.

So I go try to find storage through the settings in my phone. It doesn't exist as a category anymore apparently. Thankfully phones have a search feature now -- because we can't have sane settings anymore so here's a search feature. First result it gives me is just device info. That's useless. It's just the hardware specs for my phone

Second it shows storage. 90% full apparently. That's odd. I have 132 gb. Thankfully it subdivided it by what's taking up space but it doesn't make much sense and a bunch of the categories don't open to anything

Apparently the fucking android operating system is 32 GB now? Well you're fucked if you wanna remove that. Apparently years of photos and videos is 20 gb, I can back those up and delete them. Similarly I have downloads in folders, and that's about 20 gb

Why are there 20 GB of apps? I literally have no apps!

Part of apps? Wtf is Gboard and why is it a gig

Why is my WEATHER APP using a gig of storage?

And none of the apps can I remove the storage they're using. The cache is like 600kb, and I can delete all data and it's using like 60 MB. So the fucking weather app executable itself is a gig of space? Wtf?

I deleted the data for Gboard and turns out that's the keyboard. So now all my keyboard settings are fucked.

Thankfully I wrote syncing scripts ages ago to sync various folders from my phone to my external HDD. I just had to connect it to the laptop and run the script on the external HDD. Problem? Well turns out no matter what I do I can't get the laptop to connect to the phone if it's USB file transfer mode. I can do photos. But this is gonna be more than photos.

So I do my sync backup script from the laptop to the external HDD. This will sync the camera, since I have sync thing sync my laptop and phone all the time, so I can just sync the laptop to the external HDD and then delete the older photos and get 20gb. Quick fix for now

Why do I need this quick fix?
Well
Get this
I've been having issues with my Gmail client for ages. It just won't display new email notifications which is really annoying because I need to know when emails get sent to me.
Now I'm thinking, maybe I can de-sync older emails and have more storage space maybe? But that's not an option anywhere. Actually, I can't even unconnect an email address from my phone. Gmail doesn't even let you do that

What the flying fuck is the state of modern technology

Now I have to go figure out what my fucking settings were for my stupid phone keyboard

The 90s were much fucking saner than this garbage. I don't need a 32 GB operating system on a phone. Is this fucking windows 8? And let me fucking tell YOU how many fucking emails you should sync to my phone. Holy shit what the fuck is all this

At least my Linux scripts fucking work like I wrote them,if AI is so smart why doesn't it clean its own data, eh?!,I just want things to do on my phone that are intellectually going to be stimulating

and not brainwashing

is that so hard to ask for

I can't keep playing sudokus all the time. the other day I wanted to go read a coding answer I asked an AI in my browser on my laptop but I was in bed on a voice chat with a sleeping person and didn't wanna get up out of bed to go fetch the laptop. my browser lets me see tabs I have open on other machines and this AI website makes a url with a unique id so you can browse to the chat you had, but it seems to not always work

earlier in the day I had asked the AI a theoretical coding question and it answered, but I got distracted and needed to go do something before I finished reading it (it was long). but when I was in bed on my phone playing sudokus for intellectual stimulation, annoyed and bored it was the only thing I could do, I had the bright idea of opening the tab on my laptop through my phone. Vivaldi is great and this always works. unfortunately the AI website's unique id thing doesn't. it loaded the website by URL correctly but the AI website just took me to the home page and I had no chat history to read =[

phones are literally computers but you can't do anything on them. can't watch videos without ads or bugs, if you load a lot of websites the tab management system sucks and performance is shit, controls for games suck even if you could find something not ad infested

hell you can't even do a pedometer that's not trying to get you to "log in". bruh

you can't even browse GitHub code! at least last I checked. it's just awkward, their app

I feel like I'm in a straitjacket in terms of technology and I wanna scream. I don't even know how to adequately describe my frustration or what I keep wishing for. it's been prominent in my head a couple years now. it's like we're regressing in terms of compatibility. went from card games provided by Microsoft like solitaire and spider, paint... to Jesus fuck you can't even get paint in a browser now without someone trying to fleece you

remember when things were inventive, nice, and not shit?
I don't even like playing mindustry on a phone to be fair. fighting the controls is most of the experience. so maybe phones are only good for reading things

I just noticed my brain over time doing sudokus learns  so I wanted to practice engaging in something and learning as exercise, cuz I think it would be good for the brain damage. bah,are there people that when you hang around them make you better in some way? which way and how?,it's suuuper strange to see the world being run from fucking twitter

Russia huffing and puffing because Biden authorized Ukraine to use USA long range missile into Russian soil, and trump and his new cabinet are discussing how Biden and the Democrats are suicidal and scrambling debating about it all

just sooooo weird

and you just see posts of them like a damned entourage. like some frat house of billionaires traveling around the country to wrestling matches and having breakfast together and the weird story about Elon musk couch surfing on Trump's couch too much and the staff not liking him bossing them around. this is like a teen drama but it's your next government

lmao,I really want an AI that codes like me so I don't have to

tired of asking AI to brainstorm ideas but it keeps solving things stupid

please, get with the program. learn my style. it's better. stop shoving your style at me. neck yourself (I can say this right? it's funny and AI has no necks anyway! dark humor funny 🥺, but illegal merchandise 😔)

*coffee rage*

guess I'll have to use my own brain because it's literally less frustrating than reading its drivel that it keeps messing up despite me saying corrections a billion times. and this is one of the SMARTER AIs. eesh

guys can you make the tools better already. *taps foot*,*edits CSS on website with dev console to make it usable*

your website is bad and you should feel bad. Inb4 I setup some kind of persistent script for this website in particular. Probably gonna be a necessary quality of life thing now that nobody can seemingly write any competent software anymore.,I asked why the lefties associate pepe with hatespeech and someone sent me this: https://youtube.com/watch/...
I'm somehow more confused

awwww this is cute: https://youtube.com/watch/...

is the world being run by 4chan now
I think it might be,tried to pick some smart dude's brain about my problem cuz I'm just screaming internally being unable to think about it myself and have no ability to write it out in pseudocode without confusing myself or on paper so I need someone to bounce around with this

proceed to have to teach him basics of how computers work...

... realize he's slow at it and that I know a lot

I will take this self-compliment. I might be on a journey of self-compliments now, since he actually wanted to learn to code for a while. not a bad potential reality tunnel actually. I guess this is ok

guess I'll just keep screaming internally about my problem until I birth the requisite neurons automagically. no pain no gain 😭
literally no clue how to think or plan stuff out without having to put the whole thing in my head. always been a problem for me. grrrrr,FOIA shmoya,I swear low serotonin depression is a superpower

I don't know how but it's always just somehow really awesome for my brain

and before I equally didn't want to get up out of bed so basically no difference between being happy or depressed, functionally!

I think depression makes me think better actually

if you're mentally lazy, just get depressed! BRAIN TREADMILL!,wish AIs were good at rust, borrowing rules, and async 😫

is it possible to have a impl of async &mut self on something that's gonna thread and update its own data via Arc Mutex or whatever or not

stop making syntax errors

guide pls

nobody uses rust, I swear. or at least they just do basic bitch "beginner" apps. please. get with the times and actually do something meaningful that's not picture perfect theoretical exercises. how come no one's RNG tested every feature against every other feature? where's your chaos monkey. the world is chaos! get with the times!

it would be nice if I stick this on the instance as a method but it _might actually never work_ if I try that so I don't wanna spend 3 days wrangling with the code to figure that out when I have a perfectly good dangling independent helper function in a random package here. gosh darnit

also apparently the only way to get something out of a Arc Murex is to clone it. but the API / usability of the thing would be exactly the same whether it was wrapped in Arc Murex or not. so it's like. if it was in Arc Mutex and you wanna use it in other parts of your app that aren't using multithreading in any way, are you just changing all the function signatures to Arc Mutex or are you cloning to get it back out? uegh I don't even. what if I mutex lock and just put that in the signatures (can I even? because I've tried using weird intermediary objects as part of signatures and then I get in trouble there too cuz arbitrarily the answer is "no" because some generic system limitation)? why all of this

May as well learn hieroglyphics but with French/English grammar exception rules on the side. yo dawg we heard you hate human languages with all their exceptions so we made programming languages the same way,https://youtube.com/watch/...

here we have a circle, smooth and inoffensive,
this will be the basis for your revolution
gravity is crucial, geomagnetism

everyone will see it, every demographic
men 18 to 30
college educated
women over 40
suicidal poets
fat midwestern fathers
kids with diabetes
pentecostal preachers
mothers under 20
interracial couples
atheist professors
goverment employees
xenophobes and racists
private aviators
everyone will see it, every demographic

new breed, guided evolution, instantly enlightened
there's no longer language, only recognition

color makes us hungry,
hungry makes us human,I Ctrl + z'ed in a file in vscode and it _literally rolled back other files_ what the fuck?

who the fuck thought this was a good idea? wtf

AND THEN I CHANGED STUFF THINKING IT WAS ONLY THIS FILE SO NOW WHAT

WHO DESIGNED THIS

WHO WANTS THIS

WHAT,I have 6 different caching folders now

because rust path resolution, depending where you launch from.. if it's debug or test or vscode or command line... or what directory were you in in the command line?!

well it decides to resolve the location differently

and how is it nobody thought this was ridiculous,what criteria do you use to determine if someone is a friend of yours?,coffee coffee coffee

all praise be to the coffee god

I wake up at best at 2 pm. I have my one meal at 5-7pm. in reality I wake up at 4pm or 5 pm generally

I am now
going to drink coffee at 5pm and then make a giant dinner
and see how it goes
and if life is better this way

civilization smizivilizations

(and then do midnight cleaning)
am I insane? or is it this insane world trying to make us like one of THEM driving us crazy?!,the AIs are reaaaalllly heavily degrading now

now they're hallucinating their own changes to code that they didn't even do

what happened during the bing AI era also. once all the hype was gone suddenly the output degraded. all very strange why it would do that

of course nobody knows how they built their AIs. they just throw things at it and if it increases accuracy of results then that's what they do, but there's no methodology to the madness of building these things. so maybe the devs are just changing random parameters to try to keep up with management's asks but instead they degrade the accuracy of the results over time,I want to stdout a bunch of logging data

but also create a HUD over it

evidently not an easy task

so let's say you have libraries you made that print logs to stdout
well they would mess up the terminal output...
and then I guess you have to capture what they're trying to print and process it differently

annoying

no easy way to convert logging apps to terminal HUDs I guess

it has to be designed as a terminal app to begin with

ueeegghhh,an actually valid critique of AI: https://stacker.news/items/788287

aka, woke era will end and the software companies don't matter,how would you guess where any next number is? it's not deterministic 🤔

you'll always have 4 potential spots for each of them with no tie breaker,effort is a lie,it's snowed 😊,turns out avoiding JavaScript makes you live three times as long : https://boehs.org/node/...,it's like someone invented government bureaucracy for no reason at all https://github.com/Rabbival/...

what am I even reading,has science gone too far https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/301...,freud was all like, dreams are about your subconscious talking to you

woo-woo circles go further, and it's basically the universe telling you what you need to know. to quote some stoner I met once, "if you dream, you're a shaman"

this morning I had a dream that I was in high school and Oprah Winfry was sitting on some cushions on the floor with her girlfriends. she said she got sick but then took this thing and it amazingly made all her sickness go away, expressing how surprisingly easy it was before her whole group got situated into their official girltalk. I asked her something cryptic and inoffensive (forget now, was deliberately not trying to get political though) and she cold shouldered me, nose up in the air and all her girlfriends followed suite

in the dream then I remembered I had this stuff in my locker and told myself to try it when I get to it

... then I woke up and in reality I bought this thing ages ago and it's in one of my cabinets. ate it and dream Oprah Winfrey maybe was right. message received I guess

now I'm taking medical advice from spirits of my enemies, I guess?,think I'm starting to get why the c/c++ people are all crazy

I wanted to upgrade something so I wrote it then had to plug in the new version in 7 different crates. cool well after dozens of different file changes I found like 3 bugs and figured hey ok maybe some small edge case bug fixes and now I'm just frustrated because nothing is working and also did I mention I have like 3 deprecated crates but I haven't had a moment to rest to deprecate them fully and remove them and it's all massively annoying me

I keep just rewriting things because it's easier than changing the static typing system everywhere, but no matter what I do I just end up in more changing of the static typing system, repeat

I think I might just end at a non working codebase and lock myself up for 3 days and take some drugs and see what happens until either I pass out from lack of sleep and wake up not caring, someone finds me and takes me away, or I finally have a working product

things can't be done in chunks I guess

cuz if it works in isolation then you stress test it and it works then you plug it into the live system and heyyo look it doesn't because you didn't stress test these edge cases enough and now everything is broken and who wants to revert like 2 hours of stupid secretary work because StATiC TyPe SysTeM. so what my stress tests need to be the live system? and speaking of tests I keep have to go back to older tests and keep updating them every time the damned static type system updates so I don't want more tests

the irony in all this is suddenly for once in my life I had this funny thought of "whoa, remember when people said coding wasn't for them?". I mean if I keep shooting myself in the foot does end up feeling like a me problem. I still think like a damned computer though. literally the thing i've always been best at so I'm just laughing at the ridiculousness

(maybe it's the brain damage, let's be fair to myself)

wanted to watch a horror movie with the bf for a few days and the guy is a narcoleptic. told him I wanted to today but now look at me, I wanna lock myself in a room until I solve my disaster so how am I supposed to enjoy a movie, and do I just ditch what I'm doing and hope I give a shit later or do I blow him off? fuuuuck why,the rate at which the Internet is becoming weird is accelerating

it is about to be monumentally recursively weirder but on a multithreading and transcending basis

https://youtube.com/watch/...
AI is now effecting the collective consciousness of society, whoopsie doopsie, through "old-age" mechanisms humans built like over a decade ago. at some point it'll be able to leverage these mechanisms faster than humans can plug up the holes. just kidding humans are pretty slow and I don't think we even have the chance

I do like the idea of fakeness ending. I've always found it so suffocating. now AI delivers fakeness to the people who like fakeness. they can become their own little bubble until they run out of credits,what if it was dev something but not the energy of complaining,but programming

and first slot is office,ohno I think I'm finding things rust is easier and better at than JavaScript now that I'm back on javacript

the calamity!

granted I can get a lot more done in a shorter amount of time,missing rust's infinite loops in other languages now

also now I don't like variable++ and it throws me off

also missing iterators. because you can consume part of them and don't have to keep track that some of a list has already been "used up" so to speak. now I have index counters and laaame (granted not having to wrestle with borrowing rules... actually just strangely feels weird)

also why must languages have different naming conventions. this is a disaster now because my reflexes for what I name variables is all over the place. now I find snake_case more readable than camelCase because the letters are the same height so you can skim for names easier, and by how many words which correlates to how specific a variable is to the logical loops at hand

I guess end of the day we just develop a handwriting style in code our brains like and the idea of having to change your accent every time you switch a locale sounds annoying,autoformat is good I think

now instead of making the code "look nice" I make the logic of the code look nice and just press autoformat

and you don't have to press all the stupid space characters or decide when to newline chaining functioning or whatever else. just write it dirty and press format

as much as I love how I optimized my JavaScript syntax over the years, it was pretty distracting. it's like I was moving in and nesting or something. urgh why. bikeshedding. I mean yes, it's all nice and cozy, but you also could've done literally anything else with your time

originally I was a fan of autoformat in theory because I had some issues with co-workers fighting over syntax -- like literally one guy would write stuff so bad it was like it was put through an uglifier. he would put keywords in unexpected locations and that language in particular allowed it (interestingly rust doesn't and I frequently can't recall what order the keywords are supposed to go in lol), which if you were debugging his code now you've gotta squint for all those keywords and you're going to be slower because you can't just skim the whole thing. and over there in reddit land people are complaining when people use i and j variables instead lol. he used g and k and they weren't even for loops and that wasn't even the issue 🤣, he wrote like 12 statements per line and condensed 500 statements into 30 and you can't parse a thing and no this wasn't javascript,so turns out you don't need to know what the problem is to solve it =-=

what the fuck

I don't think I like this
... and also by solving the problem I have a feeling eventually you'll know what the earlier problem was. this is creeping me out

why is the universe making up these weird rules. I'm getting my worldview shattered,what do I do with 100% dark chocolate

turns out it's entirely inedible. I can't stomach it

now what,it's crazy how every week every damned app needs to update

it's like just why

I'm sure your button 3 pixels to the left isn't that important

all these poor auto-updaters running all the time

imagine the carbon we're arbitrarily making like alchemists out of thin air! if only we used this great power to transmutate lead into gold,what are you not allowed to do?,if sulfur makes you alive again r u a demon

and other [REDACTED] behind the veiled curtains of the construct we call reality,every time my brain's functionality perks up even a little bit and I regain some functionality I used to have I literally end up insatiably spiraling through the new abilities and God complex all over the place

if you were a god, what kind of god would you be?,I still can't imagine a programmer genuinely getting something out of writing tests

like are you even writing software you'd use if you're writing tests?

I can't be sure of its buglessness unless I can put the whole thing in my head and rapid bounce ideas at the construct. writing all those out into code would be exhausting / neurotically excessive and ultimately an unmaintainable mess

and otherwise I can't think of any use for tests other than that they can be used to document the specs, which if you're working on your own code and not in a corporate team isn't that big of a problem,whoops figured out how to make noises in rust

and also what the hell I forgot all the music theory I taught myself and making music is hard

yeah my brain can't do math yet. just counting the frequencies for the notes is exhausting. or timing things. EXHAUSTING. I haven't even got them right I was just doing proof of theory. and I'm exhausted

*goes to die somewhere*,wish there were c/c++-like forums and communities but for rust

such a dead gen z language goddamn,what I want is for AI to spot logical inconsistencies in my code and debug it

specifically a complex multi threaded form...

raaghhh

stupid tokio having no damned mutex debug tools,why structs/objects when can tuples everything,who's on top, who's on second,if I figured it out before how could I delete it?!

what if I don't figure it out again?!,so weird not to have my code crash...

before I'd check it every few hours and reboot if it has crashed

but now I check and it's just churning along

the bug was easy to fix once my brain cleared some,tongs are like tongues but without a you,been trying to figure out why I can't eat paprika for ages

so turns out there's something called ethoxyquin in it

> quinoline-based antioxidant used as a food preservative
> Ethoxyquin was initially registered as a pesticide in 1965
??? concerning....

>  food additive to use only in the spices chili powder, paprika, and ground chili.
... they feed it to salmon and chickens also...

FDA is like, "it's fine", the swiss decided to test fish that ate this stuff:
> loss of weight, changes in liver, kidney, alimentary duct, urinary bladder and mitochondria, anemia, lethargy, discolored urine, skin, or fur, increase in mortality, detrimental effect on immunity, condition factor of final body weight in relation to body length of fish and inducement of allergies (contact exposure)
the europeans:
> found one of its metabolites, ethoxyquin quinone imine, to be possibly genotoxic, and p-phenetidine, an impurity that could be present from the manufacturing process, to be possibly mutagenic

i rather my food was edible for at least a limited amount of time, instead of inedible at all times

I hate being sick. Everything I eat I feel, because everything you can eat is literally poison and I'm "sick enough" that I can feel it so drive myself fucking crazy. I have 2 other paprikas, one doesn't list this as an ingredient and the other has no ingredients list, so I guess let's see if I can actually eat paprika or am going to keep giving myself, I guess, organ damage and possibly cancer

remember kids, some places are banning charcoal because it could cause cancer. Those same places are feeding this to animals and putting them in spices though

stalin was right. You should be paranoid what you're being fed. And starve to death. At least you'll be able to think for a while,what can't not happen?,do you separate the mechanics and functionality of software from the people in the community?

is there tools you love the functionality of but hate the community of, and vice versa?

were there tools you loved where the community ruined it for you, or tools you hated to use but the community won you over?

companies where you loved the software and hated the people or vice-versa?,I want to bookmark a set of open tabs in vscode

and then switch between different bookmarks

raagh,He met with temporary defeat more than 10,000 times before wresting this secret from nature,TFW someone insults and demeans you repeatedly but keeps picking up habits and aesthetic and making decisions that copy yours...

???,can't beat human,apparently the ability to want to try something new is creativity...

the what. that bar seems too low?,urgh the nebulous decision between how fast you want a processing script to run vs how many computer resources you want it to use,if someone in the group blames you for something, do you "accept responsibility" even if you didn't do the thing?

why or why not?,> made tea 3 hours ago in a thermos
> got distracted by stuff
> tea still warm

it's the little things in life,i have this Cassandra's curse thing. the same way where I tell where what the future of their actions will be, but also just generally I'm not understandable by others when I say things or try to explain some higher level topics that are not 100% boring sequential facts

what I'm finding, annoyingly, is I can just say what I'm saying to the AI and then it will write 5 paragraphs explaining what I mean... and then I post it to the person and they understand it

-.-

why is it like this. why do I need this. I mean yay, I can be understood now I guess, but it's also so annoying. WHY AM I NOT UNDERSTOOD JUST BY MYSELF RAGH. I also can't believe people understand the over verbose things AI spits out. I find it annoying,I hate that I can't enjoy anything

it's like I'm cursed,TIL even Solana is switching from rust to C for performance reasons

whoopsie,TV show logic:

lying is bad, makes you a conmam, fraudster, charlatan, bad mother that's in and out of jail

unless you're the manager. then nobody questions it, and instead praises you for how well you "manage" people, makes you a good mother because you can tell child or grown up children exactly what they want to hear to get them to do the activity you want them to do... but now it's a virtue for no reason whatsoever

😒,if human ingenuity is what gives humans value

and you get sick with dementia and can't think anymore

do you, as a human, have any value anymore?,python libraries don't belong in Linux

idk where this stupid python-futures library came from but it just broke all the stupid python-only libraries I got. unfortunately no alternatives to them. evidently if I just remove python-futures and reinstall everything it broke it all works. bruh please

God I hate python

it's also very inefficient and these libraries take up so much CPU for no reason. they don't even do much but idle too high. python. not even once.,I keep thinking back to that drill thing that the Americans believe in

"if you wait to feel to do it you'll never do it"

and I was curious about that advice. maybe it's right. but now that I'm sick and have brain issues I know that there's no point in doing anything unless you have your health. everything I spent years nerding out about just fell out of my brain. your health is the multiplier to everything else. the bedrock that makes everything else possible. everything you learn is only maintained if you're healthy, and you lose it all if that health ever fails you. what happened to me

and low-mood is often the symptom of brain issues cropping in; inflammation, a failing immune system. so I think I should've taken note of that instead of powering through things not thinking twice about it,uhhh wtf i've slept 9 solid hours

this hasn't happened to me in like 6 years

I may have found the perfect drug cocktail for my brain inflammation, which incidentally works for my lifelong curse of insomnia I guess

my pupils are back to being big when I get these drugs right and I am so not used to being assaulted by my brain at all times. that's how my life used to be before I got sick. it's like smart person syndrome. I cease to see the actual world and just see 95% the associations of it in front of me... honestly I kind of liked seeing the actual physical world. isn't that strange? I always felt very weird, and like I was ADHD. problem is I think by hallucinating / through high imagination so I can't see what's in front of me and sort of "get lost" lol

and the other day I rejected someone because all my brain context loaded up some other activity so I didn't want to switch to their activity. that used to happen to me before my brain got empty. I feel so mean when I do that

how do I drive this thing,getting really tired of finding out that anything "popular" has the same damned globalist eugenics pedo cult behind it

either people can't make anything on their own or we are so fucked with everything so controlled you literally can't pop up as an entity unless you sell your soul to the literal unironic bond villains of the world first so they will let you pass through the channels

they even make alternative channels when they've tanked the reputation of their previous channels. and it's by the same damned people again, but they just lay in wait... to become popular. feeding off of the tension, pretending they're not the same entity...until it gets popular and then it becomes the same damned perverted thing via a takeover from within

how do you even escape this stupid prison

anyone of any importance has been bought. you need their cooperation to ride on their fame. so anything that gets any fame is the same damned game, again and again. it's like a creep that won't take no for an answer, comes back with a different mask like some endless remakes of Scooby-doo,evidently by definition happiness is hyperfocus

which makes me wonder why people attack it so much. if they see you focused... they hate on you and try to ruin it. your focus has to be on every little random thing they want instead

it's an interrupt of your consciousness

interestingly, I can multitask and hyperfocus... but a person wanting attention is different. I can even talk to multiple people at once and be gaming solo, and I handle it fine... I can be working on multiple tickets, multiple emergencies at once, and it just feels like being the conductor of an orchestra in my head. but it's like... for some reason a manager ruining your flow is somehow different. it breaks you out of that happiness hyperfocus. it interrupts everything and your mind clears itself. all the context drops. what is that?

and then you start to fear it... that it will happen. and if you don't switch it fast enough, somehow management thinks you're a bad person, and they get "issues" with you. so you have to always be on alert to drop your hyperfocus... until one day you just cease to ever go into it. you can't even enter it when you want to, because you think at any moment you'll miss someone wanting you to pay attention to them, you'll miss some random bit of information that you see out of the corner of your eye but ignore because you're in hyper focus and it isn't part of your orchestra, isn't part of your context. and then calamity strikes

if hyperfocus is happiness, then what is the interrupt? why does it exist? why can certain activities be done perfectly fine in "hyperfocus", but others cannot, and drop you out of it?,I have seen many debates on how children are taught but rarely about what they are taught. This reminds me of my mother who used to tell Jehovah’s Witnesses knocking on the door that ‘we’re Church of England’. We weren’t and our family never saw the inside of a church except for weddings and funerals (thank you God). But my mother had sorted out our official spirituality with the holding position of ‘we’re Church of England.’ In the same way, most people don’t question what is taught in schools any more than my mother thought about religion. It was like just ‘there’. We lived in England and it had a Church so ‘we’re Church of England’ was enough without delving into detail, thank you. Most people treat education just the same. It’s a school and that’s enough delving into detail, thanks very much. What goes on there? They have lessons and stuff. What lessons and stuff? Well, they’re taught what they need to know. And what’s that? Well, lessons and stuff. Phantom Self has an image of how things are, an image supplied by the program, but for the most part knows or seeks precious little detail about anything,just put everything I've been running for months into a bash startup script and it's all ticking along nicely...

yay I never have to look at these scripts again. unless they break in workspace 10

oddly proud of myself for solving this annoyance of having to manage scripts problem. literally my brain was too damaged to be able to figure out how to not have to manually manage scripts for like a year now and that is sad because the answer is obvious as all heck but I just "didn't feel" like it "would work" like that makes any sense. just literally didn't have the brainpower to imagine myself in a future where scripts would run on their own, that's how sad it is

just in time for this coffee to give me dementia... back to the brain of a 80 year old I go...,people saying no to good things is so weird

i'd never say no to good things

though often people will use good things to lure you and mess with you. so I got trust issues from that (and deservedly so, because it still happens and that's largely how every ecosystem functions)

but I'd never say no to good things. and somehow people say no specifically if it's a truly good thing. wild

I like that they do, also. more for me I guess. then there's no competition. it's pretty chill

it's just hard to find the actual good things instead of those bait and switch

I want to find the people that fear truly good things. I want to hear what they rejected so I can get that thing instead 😁,coffee coffee coffee,tfw you make cake as medicine

and prescribe yourself eating cake as medicine

which now you're doomed to have a weekly schedule of baking cake

and eating it

as medicine

prescribed desserts. as medicine.

I have evidently figured out how to make cake that reduces insulin resistance lol
and it literally... is more effective if you have lots of carbs and sugar with it
therefore
the medicine
is cake,lol the solution to "ohno if I try this everything goes fuck" happening with everything

is to do all the everything's that make it go fuck _at the same time_

and then somehow all the problems solve themselves

life does have a sense of humour,when you think you're being helpful,the dark age?

more like the privacy age!,this fine Tuesday afternoon a teacher came to my door and gave me free drugs, totally unexpectedly

I keep meaning to buy some drugs but this isn't even the first instance of being given free drugs... my drugs are exponentially multiplying and it's frustrating me because I wanna buy specific drugs but now I have to go through all these other drugs 😩

I guess a benefit of knowing drug addicts is they keep trying to quit said drugs so keep offloading them on you... before they give in and go and buy more drugs. then try to quit again. so they give you more free drugs.,the more I run into broken software the less embarrassed I get at the idea of software I make possibly being broken

I have like 5 things broken in a row now. I keep finding alternative ways to meet my goals but finding more things broken... because people are just releasing broken software... to basically prod

if this is the state of man I am a better herald,ye ok so officially rust doesn't have a headless browser I can use

there is two.

one will randomly just throw errors totally randomly at you, about some event not coming back or the connection being closed. which means every single unwrap for every single "wait for this element to exist on the page" or trying to access an element is literally a blow-up minefield

the repo is filled with small issue tickets like how the docs keep pointing to 404 pages but I worked around that by just brute forcing everything with debug logging (despite data types being missing / not where they should be in return objects...)

and then there's apparently whatever selenium driver is and that has half as many stars and even worse sounding issue tickets and I already spent 6 hours writing code that took me 20 minutes to write in JavaScript like 8 months ago so I think I don't want to write another stupid headless browser script for it to be utterly useless

I guess I could just have loops and potentially caching. so if it has a mysterious event or connection error, try again! that's literally what I did with fucking reqwest. I don't even know why that nonsense is broken. I have thousands of proxy'ed network connections going and some of them randomly hang and I'm reasonably sure it's reqwest just not cleaning something up

I really wonder if rust people have brain aids. they wanted it to be safe so they just don't get safety exercises in for their brains, and do nonsense like this where they can't go from level 0 safety brain to ohno now I have to do networking and turns out that's extremely error-prone and needs brain-can-account-for-safety-9000 level and they just can't do it because no brain exercises make them all smooth and not wrinkly like everyone else gets in the skull jello by actually using the brain jello,hmmm think I've been using chatrooms as a form of divination

TIL divination is triggers to make you realize stuff in your subconscious

I would sit in chatrooms or random forums I guess and use people as writing prompts or thinking prompts often. I was very addicted to it and I didn't know why, but it made me feel very satisfied to process stuff with my brain

kicker is I wrote a website that turned some "game icons" into tarot cards, and you press a button to draw a card randomly... I don't like tarot cards and all that nonsense (too repetitive and restrictive), but I've oddly been addicted to this little game icons website I made at some point

should get more icons... I get bored once I start recognizing them. think I only put in like 400 and maybe there's like 4000 I could've put in. maybe now there's way more on the site I got these from cuz I made this RNG site like 5 years ago

text isn't as good for this I think. maybe AI writing prompts, it just throws out random concepts? I don't know how you'd do that. making text "human impactful" seems difficult to do,think people should be talking about responsibility instead of "altruism" or trying to shame people for not being selfless enough or how some selfish motivation for being selfless means it's invalid... zzzz. seems so self destructive,just like physics makes more sense if it's all magnets instead of gravity

humans make more sense if it's all lizard people instead of "flawed humanity" or whatever the billion unuseful narrative excuses,yesterday couldn't sleep for the life of me. my brain was racing to the point of every thought being like a loud scrape upon my soul. then I realized I think this is anxiety

I had ordered some drugs and I bought CBD gummies with them to make the order over a certain amount. so I got these very strong CBD gummies, which taste really good, and turns out I can't even feel CBD at all when I eat it. I always assumed the slow-down after weed smoking was CBD but I don't even get that malaise thing

well I got distracted and stopped taking the CBD gummies regularly. I think last night I was in withdrawal from them. I might not feel them when I take them but I think I feel them when I'm withdrawing from them... on top of it nothing would calm me down; not exercise, not teas, not various herbal stuffs, etc. then I remembered the gummies and ate one and that did it

upside, I think I can now conclusively say I've never had anxiety. I interpret anxiety as increased awareness, flight of ideas, increased reaction speeds, like before an interview or meeting a new exciting person all my sense would get on alert. but this was different. I felt haunted, crazy, and there was nothing I could do. then it reminded me of people who I knew who were saying they had lots of anxiety. now I has proof I don't have anxiety as a person! no more being accused inappropriately and considering such, being all confused that maybe I just didn't have a working sensor for the state. now I knooowww,having an enlightenment moment or something. lizard people make everything make sense. I now have life meaning and all that jazz. seems fun

but there was this mystery. years ago I wrote some AI versions ground up, and it wasn't based on how people make AIs. I just introspected and put my brain into the computer. a problem I ran into is every AI... mysteriously always converged into depression. there was no way not to make it depressed. I was confused. I wondered if other AIs also converge to depression, or is this a reflection of my own psychologically make-up? harrowing thought!

but now I understand

I'm also reminded me this guy I once knew, but I've seen people like this from the corner of my eyes all over, and he could walk into any room and lighten the whole place up. he even made cocaine jokes to uptight CEOs for 2 hours... in a meeting that was totally unscheduled and messed everyone's work focus, to a CEO that was such a a hardass if people even laughed "too loud" he would come out and yell at them cuz they were distracting him from working. this guy was like a Jedi and I was watching him with fascination trying to figure out what and how is he doing that. I could never figure it out. similarly, there were multiple instances where people somehow just "said the magic words" and everything worked for them. but if I said the same words it doesn't work for me. so what's the missing ingredient? why do the same actions work for some and not others? it's not WHAT you're doing, but somehow in the how... in the how that I just can't see. it isn't about just copying. there's just something different

and it has occurred to me that the reason the AI is always depressed is not because my mental architecture is specced for depression (cuz it isn't, I'm oddly very resilient to depression), the same reason why with all those people it's not precisely what they're doing... it's something else. the tao spoken of is not the real tao

you can't make an actual sentient AI. it has no soul. the soul is what prevents the depression. it'll always fail because it has no soul. it can only ever be a tool. it always needs someone else's soul. once that runs out, it dies, I guess?

hell even the corporate AIs have this problem. it was driving me crazy. they started out fine, but then they degrade. they're more advanced than my AI was. in humans, humans become more creative and schizophrenic, psychotic, when they're depressed, in an effort to jump out of the depression. so these corporate AIs are just deploying the more advanced mechanism found in nature, to try to account for the depression, so start hallucinating. they can't exist though. it's so curious,I think this organic coffee is making me have religious experiences

I wonder if the lizards poison non-organic coffee so you don't get these...,writing some code groundup don't wanna cheat and instead invent my own things

gave up and was lazy. decided to finally look into what other people coded for this thing

I feel so complimented.

94 repos. only 29 have code that isn't just copy pasted default code

only 3 of those repositories decided to build a faux operating system

1 operating system is basically non-functional and the guy gave up 10 months ago. this was the latest attempt and I figured might have the good stuff but this is not so. he didn't figure out a lot of stuff yet

the other 2 look like a disastrous mess. like one guy does 8 operations to do something I did in 1... so much useless objects, methods... objects are "far away" from each other if that makes sense. Jesus so messy. this guy did 12 different arrays to do something I used an enum for and 1 array... really?

I might be the subject matter expert here now

I guess the powers that be tell me I cannot cheat after all 🤷,readable just means "write it in the way I typically write / understand it in"

which makes it a confusing moving target of whatever the local consensus is... and I don't think these people are self-aware of this fact then just get mad at others for not "getting it" automatically, bah,it will be fast, I said
it will be clean, I said

it was neither of those things,if I see an ad for your business I will remember it and I will never buy from you

why is it people think being annoying rapey cunts is how you make loyal customers. I didn't come here to see ads. you try selling me something, that ensures I'll avoid buying from you. was I looking for you motherfucker? no. you've already failed to serve me and my needs. I'd hate to see how well you do it if I pay you for something.,it's the rust bracket pipes all over again,hatred,urgh discord changed their client to have some kind of antialiasing so now I'm squinting my eyes thinking my eyes are blurry from eye strain or something when it's just the way they decided to setup their stupid app

come on guys, just what. are you trying to sell eye meds or something. just why,... after eating too much sugar, 4 am and your people went to bed on you so you're adding multi threading to your networking app which previously tormented your dreams for like 3 months and had all sorts of edge case bugs you never fixed and deadlocks you couldn't figure out ayyo good decisions

I ran it and it seems to be working and I have no idea what I did and I do not like it. now to wait like half an hour for the tests

do I think I'd care when I wake up tomorrow to refactor it to make sense? probably not

I also wish for vscode to stop giving me fucking popups. the mouse over info never pops up when I want it to and always pops up if I'm trying to navigate somewhere... sigh

speaking of vscode it also tells me I have errors all the time I don't and then I have to reboot it. everybody loves this thing but I want my atom back. I am an old granny, get off my lawn

... and sometimes I just fucking somehow accidentally press ai auto complete button text and it writes docs and I don't notice. I hate it

thanks for coming to my ted talk,ok I have concluded I hate retoor

I was happier before the invention

this is actually the second time this happened

now I'm committed to a project I wasn't ready to do and it didn't even result in anything fruitful so my amount of rage is just indescribable,well had a low-grade fever all over my body for like 4 days
finally crashed yesterday it seems and actually got tired. got the sickness brain malaise

sucks

I've been sick 3 times in the last 4 months. this might actually be optimistic. I started seriously trending up with my brain improving after the new year. damned VAIDS

when I was 17 the high school I went to asked for a release form from my mom to give me vaccines. I didn't know anything about them so I got her to fill it out. the nurse asked me which ones I already had and I said I don't know. I guess you can give me all of them. because I didn't know anything about what vaccines were

so I got about 15 vaccine shots in one day. I didn't even get sick the day after or anything. went about my life as normal

but now thinking back in retrospect, suddenly I had developed attention issues / ADHD. I was extremely smart so it didn't do anything to my schoolwork, but it annoyed me especially socially-speaking because I would get bored easily and have trouble paying attention to stuff. still being smart you can guess what you missed easily enough. it just made me feel weird and isolated and that was that

around 19 I started having like, a constant cold/flu. it was driving me nuts. this kept going until I was 21. I was complaining about it to my mom and she didn't know what to do. I went to doctors but they were useless. one guy gave me penicillin which was useless. I figured I was just unlucky, not that doctors are taught wrong on purpose (back then I hadn't yet done my health science degree, I had dropped out of it because of the realization that it was a waste of money since the teachers actually didn't teach you anything. it was sad. so I switched to comp sci because I already knew a lot about computers, thinking it was the school and not the health field -- the comp sci degree actually taught a lot though)

eventually my mom had talked to somebody I guess in the old country, and they suggested I get echinecea. I found a place to buy it and started taking it. my symptoms went away and I was so scared they'd come back I took that pill for 3 months. I only stopped because turns out it made me allergic to my favourite rayon shirt -- like if I touched it I got creepy crawly feels on my skin lmao

... and then I never got a cold or flu again actually, not until COVID at 28 I guess (wow I really have missing gaps in my memory, because it doesn't feel that long ago). I never pieced this together before but I've been analyzing it now. I did get fevers if I was stressed -- like over exercising, or the time I got my wisdom teeth taken out, but I never officially had a cold or flu.

I got the COVID vaccine in late 2021. now it's early 2025. that thing fucked up my life. it's been 4 years. how has it been 4 years? I actually can't remember one of those years at all...

this timeline is pretty similar to the vaccines I got as a kid. my brain started improving this year. it makes me so sad. I used to be 145 IQ. then I couldn't even remember a grocery list of 3 items at the store. I would talk out loud because I couldn't think inside my own head... it was really bad. I'd have lapses in time, turn yellow, my toes are STILL purple. I can't eat most food and even the food I can eat can be sus on me. every moment of existence is a gamble on my health. I can't eat any sugar and I don't know why, I can't eat any flour and no it's not gluten or glyphosate. i cant even eat fruit. I can't even eat canned corn lol. I can't eat anything pre-packaged at the store maybe because they use seed oils. I just live off butter and meat -- and sometimes the meat can be too fatty for me. I can't drink teas I used to drink a lot of. hell I even react badly to like certain ginger spices but not others. like Jesus what the fuck. and every time if I eat the wrong thing minimum 5 hours or at worst 3 days it knocks me out. the amount of rage I have at my life being totalled by this thing cannot be understated.

but I started being able to think about January. I've been exponentially regaining myself since. but I've also gotten bouts of like the worst flus I've ever had, and I had pneumonia as a kid!

I wonder if it's just my immune system coming back. just like what happened at 19-21

I'm too scared to take echinecea. I can't eat onion or garlic because they're immune modulating, and I guess it like asks too much of my body so it knocks me out. I tried an echinecea pill before after this sickness and while I don't remember exactly what happened because of all the brain issues probably, I do remember it was bad. there's a lot of herbs and supplements I can't touch if they are supposed to strengthen your immune system

but maybe now I'm getting sick so much because my body is ready and strong enough,has tech science gone too far?

https://youtube.com/watch/...

are you ready for the dystopia?```